


I cant fight this feeling

by Dark_Angel1976, orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, Brothers, Cutting, Drugs, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frikey, Gay, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Love, M/M, Male Slash, Mild Blood, POV Male Character, Sexual Content, Sibling Incest, Slash, Underage Drinking, Waycest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-16
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2018-01-15 22:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1321339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Angel1976/pseuds/Dark_Angel1976, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey is  in love with Gerard he doesn't tell him and ends up with Frank it nearly destroy<br/>Mikey but Frank fixes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I cant fight this feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Gerard and Mikey way and Frank iero are not mine they belong to themselves. They do not condone cutting drinking underage or incest. This fake iI made it up It is fiction

I was about fifteen when I realized I wasn't like other people. I was in the basement of my house in my brother Gerard's room. We were fighting for the TV remote when I realized he was making me hard. I jumped up fast and told him that I had to piss. He frowned at me as I fled the room. I took the stairs from the basement two at time and ran straight to the bathroom in the upstairs hall; very thankful that my parents were not home.  
I slammed the door and locked it behind me as I slid to the floor. What was wrong with me, he was my brother. I didn't have time to think about it now I had a more pressing matter to deal with. My hard on was rubbing uncomfortably against the crotch of my jeans. I tore my pants open as I swallowed back my sick feeling. My hard on sprang free, standing proud and leaking. I wrapped my hand around it, stroking it and tried to think something to get me off. I was trying to think of anything that wasn't my brother but it just wasn't working.  
His smiling face appeared in my head no matter how hard I tried to push it out. With a sigh, I conjured up a picture of Gerard in my mind; his laughing face flushed and his cheeks pink. His lips slightly parted and he was breathing hard form when we had been wrestling over the remote control. He was so beautiful. I stroked myself fast and hard. My hand flying up and down my shaft. It did not take me long to get off. I came violently all over my hand.  
I was horrified I had just jerked off thinking about Gerard. I was disgusted with myself and I just wanted to make it go away. I tore my clothes off stumbling into the shower. I turned the water on as hot as it could go. I sunk to the bottom of the tub, the tears rolled down my cheeks and I wrapped my arms around my knees. I just didn't know what to do about these feelings for my own brother.  
I stayed there until the water had gone cold before I pulled myself up from the shower. I felt so exhausted as I climbed out of the tub. I opened the bathroom closet to retrieve a towel. My hand stopped as I noticed some replacement blades for a razor. My hand fell onto the uncased blades as I ran my fingers over them. My hand shot out grabbing one of the blades before I had even grabbed myself a towel to dry off. I wrapped it around my waist hurrying to my room with the blade clutched in my hand. I pulled on some fresh boxers throwing myself down on bed. I turned the blade over and over in my hands. I don't know what had drawn me to it but I pushed it into the drawer of my night stand.  
That night at dinner I could not even look Gerard directly in the eye. I would look up catching his eyes looking at me and quickly I would look away. His leg brushed mine accidentally under the table startling me. I abruptly slid my chair back with loud scrape, I announced that I was full and got up from the table. I wasn't full at all I just felt to sick to eat. I got the the hell out of there running to the safety of my room.  
That night had been the first time I cut. I had locked my door, which as a teenage boy I did often. I stripped my clothes off and threw them to the floor. I sprawled out on my bed after I grabbed the blade from the drawer. I am not sure what my intentions were at the time but I was still hard from his accidental touch at dinner. I grabbed my dick and tried not to think about it as I stroked furiously.  
My hand flew up down my cock rushing as quick I could make my self get off. I just wanted to stop thinking about Gerard. I ran the silver blade across my hip bone. It was painful causing me to gasp. Crimson blood bloomed from the cut across my hipbone. I sat watching the blood run down my hip for several minutes before I used a old dark color shirt from closet floor to clean it. I wiped the blade off tucking it back in to the drawer. I pulled my boxers back on and unlocked the door. I threw myself back on the bed feeling miserable while my hip burned from the cut. I couldn't sleep that night. I just laid there staring at the ceiling.  
Monday morning came and I had to go to school even though I hadn't slept. I was miserable all week, barely sleeping, hardly eating and most of all avoiding Gerard. It hurt so much when all I wanted was to be near him every minute of every day. I had managed to avoid him all week until Friday. He was coming out of the upstairs bathroom as I came down the hall. My breath hitched in throat as my eyes landed on him. I wanted turn around and run away but it would be to obvious. The hall is very narrow and when I passed him in the hall his ass had brushed against my crotch. My cock was interested right away springing to attention. I silently berated it and began feeling sick. I got away from Gerard as fast as I could. Slamming my door, I heard Gerard yell what the hell after me as I locked it. Going straight to the nightstand, I grabbed the razor blade from my drawer. I sat down roughly on the edge of my bed tugging down my pants. I ran it over my upper thigh biting my lip to stifle the sound of pain and pleasure I felt. I ignored my hard on and it went away. It left me with painful ache in my balls. Shrugging and pulling my boxers back on this time not bothering to clean the blood off. I finally fell into a fitful sleep that night only to wake up miserable the next morning. I didn't come out my room all day even when Gerard banged on my door.  
I come out later that evening only to get in a car with someone from school and leave. Honestly, he wasn't even a friend, just an acquaintance. We went to party at house of some girl I didn't know. She's the one who gave me pills the first time I got high. It had started out as just popping a couple of pills but had quickly moved to snorting lines of coke. I also started to drink a lot on the weekends. I did any thing I had to do to stay fucked up. I was cutting more and more feeling horribly despaired.  
I would lay in my room all day barely ever even showered. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop the feelings I had for my brother. It was sick, disgusting and I hated myself for it. Late at night I would still find myself jacking off to him. Sometimes, It was rushed like I wanted to get it over with and forget what I was doing. Other times, I took my time but instead found myself crying even long after I was finished. When I was at home, I was high and alot of the time I cried my self to sleep. I always kept the cuts where they couldn't be seen. Gerard would look at me so sad not understanding why we had grown apart. My parents didn't know what to do with me. My mom would cry and Gerard would try to talk to me. I would tell him to fuck off and walked away as fast as I could. I could see how hurt he was but I didn't care because I was hurting. It went on this way for years until Gerard called me asking me to be in his band. I am not sure why he wanted me to with the way I had been hurting him. I am sure he thought it would repair the rift and bring us closer together. I wanted to say no but his voice was so pleading and I said yes with a sigh before hanging up the phone.  
We had played the local scene with a drummer friend of ours and Ray Toro also played guitar with me. It just made it easier for me to party. The girls and boys would crawl into bed with me if I asked and they threw drugs at me any time I wanted or needed a fix.  
I can't remember exactly when I first laid eyes on Frank Iero but I found him very attractive. It started out as talking at first but I realized I was very much infatuated with him. One night we had been drinking and he'd kissed me. I didn't stop him but instead kissed him back. What started out innocent with just kissing was then followed by some clumsy groping. When we started to travel in this tiny van making me be stuck uncomfortably close to Gerard. Frank noticed my discomfort around my brother and he tried asking me about it but I would quickly shut him down. I acted like I didn't know what he was talking about at the time. We'd been traveling for about a week before we had managed to get a place to stay. It was just some shitty motel with a tiny room where we were going to be cramped in two double beds. I couldn't bring myself to be that close to Gerard.  
Frank followed me outside where I had gone to hide in the van for while. I was smoking a joint when he found me. He pulled it from my fingers and took a long drag. He blew out the smoke before he spoke passing it back to me. I quickly stubbed it out on my shoe saving the roach for later. I wanted to avoid his searching eyes and his prying questions instead I grabbed us some beers. It was an hour later when I found myself drunk and naked underneath Frank's roaming hands. He ran his fingers over my cuts. Mikey what happened to you Frank muttered. I quickly realized that he wasn't drunk like I was. I slurred nothing angrily and refused to look at him. Please tell me Mikey he asked me so sweetly. I cut myself OK, I snapped tears stinging my eyes. Why do you do that to yourself? He asked kissing my cuts. I shivered, pulling him close to me and pressed his head between my legs to avoid his question. For the moment he was distracted by my hard on.  
He took it in his mouth sliding down my hard shaft. I wrapped my hands in his hair moaning. I tried to hold myself back from thrusting into his hot mouth as he moved up and down on me. It didn't take long before I was cumming in his mouth. He swallowed the best he could wiping the rest off of his chin. This was the first time we had done more then the kissing and groping. He didn't ask me to do anything in return for him. He just smiled and kissed me. I pulled my clothes back on settling back into his arms. Mikey, he whispered close to my ear. Tell me why you hurt yourself.  
Because there is something really wrong with me, I told him. I am a sick fuck. I didn't elaborate on the situation any further then that. He tried to ask what I meant but I wouldn't tell him.  
We'd been on tour for about six months now and Frank had been fucking me for the last three. Nobody else in the band knew because we kept it secret. I spent a lot of the time high out my mind avoiding Gerard off stage. Sometimes when no one was round I would cry. I thought sleeping with Frank and the cutting would help, but it didn't. Do not get me wrong I love Frank but he is not my brother. The drugs numb it as much I think is possible.  
He had caught me several times watching Gerard but I had laughed it off. He didn't push me about it but he did give me strange wondering looks sometimes.  
A year into the tour and we were at a hotel. I had just got out of the shower not realizing Gerard was there. I thought everyone had went to go eat leaving me alone. I was so startled when I opened the bathroom door that I dropped my towel. He gasped as his eyes went straight to the cuts. I felt so exposed and scared. I tried to run back in to the bathroom but he chased me. He grabbed me by the arm and spun me around to face him.  
What the fuck is wrong with you, Mikey? He screamed in my face.  
I snatched away from him glaring. It wasn't his fault I was sick but I was irrationally angry with him anyway. It is none of your business. I screamed in his face. Why had he not gone to eat with everyone else? I was shaking with my barely concealed rage.  
Mikey, I love you. I just don't know why that you hate me. Tears sprang to his eyes causing my stomach to drop. I wanted to cry I had to get out of here. I don't know what I did to you he yelled angry now as well. You haven't had anything to do with me since you were fifteen, he sobbed. His words just kept coming along with the tears.  
It crushed my heart but I just couldn't be this close to him. It's not you! I shrieked shoving him hard and running past him.  
He looked startled I had pushed him and almost hurt him. I grabbed some pants and a tee. I threw them on as fast as possible and I ran out of the room tears in my eyes with Gerard calling after me. I ran right in to Franks arms who had just gotten out of the van.  
Mikey, baby, what's wrong? He asked stroking my hair.  
I need to leave. I have to get away from here.  
He grabbed the van keys from Ray and we got in the van. He took me down the road to a park that had a lake. We sat there not saying anything for very long time. He just let the silence stretch around us, choosing not to push me.  
It was getting dark when I finally spoke. I have to quit the band, Frank.  
What is wrong, Mikey? He said stroking my cheek. A tear rolled down my cheek but I didn't answer. Is this about Gerard? He said in a low hushed voice.  
I nodded my head while my cheeks flushed. I was embarrassed that I had been so transparent. How'd you know? I said looking frightened.  
I know you very well, Mikey. I can see something is going on. I don't now what happened with you and Gerard but it is hurting you both.  
I am in love with my brother. I blurted out, cutting him off and I started sobbing. I had expected him to run away, to scream at me and to tell me I was sick. But he didn't do any of those things.  
I knew you watched him all the time, I just wasn't sure if I was right. I saw how lovingly you looked at him, Frank tells me. Does Gerard know? He questions me.  
No, I sniffle and shake my head. I first realized I wanted my brother when I was 15, I inform him. I have been avoiding him ever since then. It started with the cutting, then the drugs and before I knew it I was having random sex with strange girls and guys. Anything I could to take my mind off of him. I was just so desperate to avoid him.  
You realize you're hurting Gerard as well as yourself? Frank asked.  
I nodded with the tears still falling from my eyes. Please don't leave me. I couldn't take it.  
Frank reached out to stroke my cheek with a smile. Mikey I wouldn't leave you or this band. I may not understand this but I am not going to walk out on you because of it. I love you, Mikey, he tells me.  
Promise. I sniffled my while my lips trembled.  
He said, I promise kissing the corner of my mouth. Mikey, you cant leave the band. I want you to stay.  
Alright, Frankie, I said as he laced his fingers into my pulling me up.  
We got to get back they'll be worried. He says.  
I follow him back to the van and we go back to the hotel but Gerard doesn't try to approach me again. I flop down on one of the sofa beds in the room and flip through the channels on the shitty tv.  
I am not sure when I fell asleep but I was woken up by Gerard gently shaking my shoulder. What? I jumped startled trying to pull away from him.  
Don't, Mikey, we need to talk. He says grabbing my wrist. He drags me outside to the van. Get in, he says opening one of the doors. I slide into the back seat as I do everything to avoid looking at him. Mikey, why didn't you tell me how you felt all this time? My eyes went wide at this question. I wanted out. I had to get away but I was trapped. Mikey, he says softly grabbing my face and making me look at him. I have loved you longer then you know.  
My mouth drops open and I shake my head violently. No, Gerard, you don't understand, I sob.  
He leans in pressing his lips to mine and wrapping his arms around me. He slips his tongue out to lick my trembling lips until I open my mouth. He kisses me so deeply and filled with passion. It takes my breath away.  
When we break apart we're both breathing hard. Gerard, I start but he stops me with his finger on lips.  
I thought all this time that I had done something to make you hate me. Something to hurt you. I had no idea how you felt or I would of just told you how I felt a long time ago. He pulled my into his lap stroking my hair.  
No, I continue to sob, I could never hate you.  
If you ever do anything to hurt yourself ever again Mikey, I will kill you. Do you hear me? Gerard growls.  
Yes, I whisper.  
If you ever push me away again, so help me, he says trailing off. Gerard, I say so softly that he barely hears me.  
Yes, Mikey.  
Please fuck me. I beg him. He goes stiff for moment and I am scared to death that I have made a mistake.  
Are you sure? He whispers a moment later; his voice strained.  
Yes, Gerard, please. I have waited all this time. I was always so afraid something was wrong me with me.  
He reaches out to stroke my cheek smiling. I don't care what everyone else thinks.I know how I feel about you. I am sorry I can't fuck you now but soon, I promise. He pushes my down on the back seat of the van kissing me deeply. He runs his hands under my shirt caressing the skin. He quickly undoes my zipper to my pants pulling my hard cock out. He strokes me up and down caressing my shaft in a gentle motion. I groan biting my lip as I stare at Gerard. How many times I had dreamed of this. How many times I had denied it should happen.  
Mikey I want to to fuck you, I do. He admits, but not here in the van. Not like this, I wont do that. He tells me. He continues stroking me until I cum all over his hand. He brings his hand to his mouth and licks it. He then tucks me back into my jeans.  
Neither of us are aware of the pair of eyes that are watching us as Frank stands not far away watching us with a smile.  
Gerard tells me that I don't need to touch him back as he wants to take everything slowly. He curls his body around me in the van and we fall asleep with him holding me like I might disappear at any time. I tucked my head into the crook of his neck and sigh happily. I now knew everything was going to be alright for the first time in years.  
Frank lights up a smoke still smiling at the brothers. Proud of himself for fixing things and almost feeling smug about it.


End file.
